Greetings from HoneyRock, Wheaton's camp in the northwoods of Wisconsin! I've been here for almost a week (got in last Saturday afternoon) but I've adjusted quickly and feel like I fit right in :) This post is just a general update of what I've been up to since I got here a week ago.
The first weekend was super chill. It was just a lot of hanging out and getting to know the other SLSers (SLS is the program I'm doing-stands for Summer Leadership School). We're divided up into units. Mine is the Loon Gaggle, which consists of 5 of us and our unit leader, Elizabeth. I'm the only rising senior in my group (other than my unit leader... we were RAs together, lulz) which makes for an interesting dynamic, but most of the time I don't really think about it. Anyways. Sunday, it was pouring, so we played games inside (after getting thoroughly drenched walking through the rain) and then just chilled.
Monday afternoon we left for our 5 day, 4 night wilderness trip with our units, so that's what I've been up to the past several days. The trip was so much fun, but much harder than I was expecting. The first day was easy, it was a short canoe ride to our campsite. It was raining, so we had to build a wet wood fire, but otherwise day one was easy. The second day I think was the hardest for me. We had to canoe up river quite a ways. For a good part of it, we were wading in knee deep water (sometimes deeper), dragging our canoe behind us. I was feeling pretty discouraged by the time we finished, but the second half of the canoe ride was much easier, and our campsite that night was gorgeous. The third day we met our "brother" unit for lunch, gave them our canoes, and they gave us their backpacks. That was great as my brother floor RA from this past year was their unit leader, so I got to see him again. Then we took off on a hot, bug filled, 3 hour hike. We ended up stopping at the campsite the other girl unit was at and they invited us to stay there with them, which was really fun being all together again. The fourth day, we stayed at the same campsite, but went on a day hike a nearby campsite. Once we got back, we just relaxed and I ended up taking a 3 hour nap :) Then today, the fifth day. We left our campsite after breakfast and hiked back to HoneyRock, stopping for lunch on the way. I was so tired and ready to be back by the end of the trip, but it was so much fun, I really bonded with my unit, and I am so excited to continue to get to know them and to take campers out in the wilderness!
I feel like this blog post is plenty long and just a lot of rambling, so I'm gonna call it quits.
I just have 2 more weeks of training, and then campers start coming!
Friday, June 6, 2014
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
The end
Well. This is it. RA year is over. I'm currently sitting in SeaTac, waiting for my shuttle back home.
I've been meaning to write a post about RA year ending for awhile (first after spring break with a quad left, then in April with a month left, and then end of April with a few weeks left), but every time I've tried, I stopped because it made me too sad to think about. But after a very tearful few days, and a tearful plane ride (yes, I was "that girl" crying on the plane. No, I was not crying the whole time. But enough for the people next to me to think I'm crazy), I think that my tear ducts are empty and I can make it through this blog post without an emotional break down in the middle of the airport.
The purpose of this post is to begin processing through these past 9 months since I arrived on campus ready to begin my RA year. But how do I even begin processing through a year filled with so many memories, challenges, and growth? I don't really know. So bare with me as I ramble.
Perhaps a good place to start is a highlight list, like I've done every other quad.
-Movie nights on 3South. Emperor's New Groove, Frozen, and many more
-Surviving the coldest and longest Chicago winter, like ever. Spring never really came until finals week even though we were teased with warm days here and there
-Motown. Nbd, my future roommate put on the whole thing.
-30 day ab challenge with Gwen and Amanda..... we got half way through. Then I gave up because of back and neck problems and stuff. But actually kind of a fun moment each night suffering through sit ups, crunches, and planks with each other.
-Floor retreat. AMAZING time in Chicago with my girls. And I survived driving in the city!
-Officially figuring out housing and getting to live with 3 amazing people and in the same apartment complex as so many of my friends
-Grace's birthday and going out to Indian food with her and Stine
-Pass the torch. It was sad as it was the first event that signified the end of the year, but I am so excited for next year's staff. Especially that crazy Gwen ;)
-Deciding to do SLS (Summer Leadership School) this summer. It was a whirlwind of a decision, I first considered it and committed to it within 2 weeks or so. But I am so excited to spend my summer at HoneyRock counseling little kids :)
-The lasts of everything. Last in night, last floor brunch, last bro-sis dinner, last staff meeting, last silent raids... though they all made me sad, I couldn't be more thankful for the memories made during these times.
-3South's silent raid for me. They decorated my room, gave me a piñata, made me brownies, and wrote me notes. I have the best floor. And yes, I cried.
-First Los run. It was Friday night (most people's last night if they weren't gone already) and it was packed with Wheaton people. But now I feel like I have lived a true Smith-Traber experience.
-Everything about the past couple days. It was so incredibly hard to say goodbye to my staff team, but we took advantage of our last days together.
And that's it. B quad Spring 2014. RA is over, and I'm just a bundle of emotions. Monday night was our closing staff meeting. Among other things, we went on a prayer walk around the building. We also did this at the beginning of the year. At the beginning of the year, when we got to an RA's door, we would stop and the RA would share his/her vision for the year. This time around, we shared how we had seen God's faithfulness throughout the year. There was such a difference in the atmosphere and energy between these two nights. Back in August, we toured the floors, not yet knowing our residents, or what the year had in store for us. We walked in a straight line, not really interacting with each other. We were excited, and the excitement could be felt in the air. This time around, the stairwell of Traber echoed with sniffles and sobs. Rather than a straight line, we sort of walked in bunches, rubbing each other's backs, giving hugs, leaning on each other, soaking up these last moments together. We cried (even harder, if possible) as we as we heard the testimonies of the two members of our staff leaving for good, both graduated, one from undergrad and the other from grad school. We laughed as we told jokes and remembered stories from the year. Simply, we were reminiscent of a challenging, but amazing year.
I had a love-hate relationship with the prayer walk. It was amazing to hear about the many ways my fellow staff team had seen God's faithfulness throughout the year. But yet, I was frustrated because in many ways, I didn't feel as if I saw God's faithfulness in the year. I knew that God had been there, and that in time, I would see how and where, but I didn't know what to say when we came to my door. I don't really remember what I said, but it was something about seeing God's faithfulness in unmet expectations, through girls on my floor and through my staff team, and through his consistent love despite my pride. All I said was true. I do believe that I have seen God's faithfulness in my staff team, in my girls, and in God's love for me. Just not ways I wanted. I was still holding onto those expectations that I thought I had let go of, hoping, somehow, they would be met before I left. Because I clearly know how I'm supposed to see God's faithfulness in my life (cue heavy sarcasm). After coming back to my room later that night, I was so frustrated with God and with myself. I asked God to help me see his faithfulness. Then I heard the rain pouring down outside. I excitedly ran outside as walking in the rain is one of my absolute favorite things. I slowly walked around Smaber, jumping in the puddles and soaking in the rain. I continued to pray, continued to ask God to help me see his faithfulness. And slowly, I felt all the bitterness that I had built up throughout the year melt away. Bitterness of unmet expectations, bitterness caused by pride. And I realized that God is faithful in whatever way he wants to be. That may sound obvious... it is, but I truly didn't realize that. I assumed that God would be faithful in the ways I wanted him to be faithful, that if I prayed hard enough, he would decide to do things "my way". But that was never the point. The point was to bring glory to God, and to lead my girls closer to him. Which is hard to do if I'm the focus. So God needed to humble me this year. He needed to show me that his plan is so much better than mine, even when I think that know myself and my surroundings better than he does (I totally don't. I'm pretty clueless.) He needed to show me that his love his consistent, and even when I don't (or even sometimes don't want to) believe that it is, it is. The fact that this year didn't go the way I planned, that my relationships with my girls and staff team weren't what I expected was so incredibly humbling. I clearly don't know what I'm doing. It's still a temptation for me to think that if the year had gone the way I wanted it to, it would've been more enjoyable, I would've been a better RA, I would have less regrets about this year. But that right there is proof that I needed to be humbled this year. And my version of the year would not have been humbling. Again, the point of this year was not for me to prove my worth as a human being, my capability as an RA, or to make a bunch of new friends. It was to glorify God in all that I did, to serve my girls and show them the love of God. I feel like I did a pretty lousy job of that at times, but it's a part of learning. My one hope for this year is that the girls of 3South may have experienced growth in their relationship with God, whether it was through something I did or not.
And with that, I will end my rambling. There will probably (definitely) be more posts reflecting on RA, but now it's time to catch my shuttle back home!
I've been meaning to write a post about RA year ending for awhile (first after spring break with a quad left, then in April with a month left, and then end of April with a few weeks left), but every time I've tried, I stopped because it made me too sad to think about. But after a very tearful few days, and a tearful plane ride (yes, I was "that girl" crying on the plane. No, I was not crying the whole time. But enough for the people next to me to think I'm crazy), I think that my tear ducts are empty and I can make it through this blog post without an emotional break down in the middle of the airport.
The purpose of this post is to begin processing through these past 9 months since I arrived on campus ready to begin my RA year. But how do I even begin processing through a year filled with so many memories, challenges, and growth? I don't really know. So bare with me as I ramble.
Perhaps a good place to start is a highlight list, like I've done every other quad.
-Movie nights on 3South. Emperor's New Groove, Frozen, and many more
-Surviving the coldest and longest Chicago winter, like ever. Spring never really came until finals week even though we were teased with warm days here and there
-Motown. Nbd, my future roommate put on the whole thing.
-30 day ab challenge with Gwen and Amanda..... we got half way through. Then I gave up because of back and neck problems and stuff. But actually kind of a fun moment each night suffering through sit ups, crunches, and planks with each other.
-Floor retreat. AMAZING time in Chicago with my girls. And I survived driving in the city!
-Officially figuring out housing and getting to live with 3 amazing people and in the same apartment complex as so many of my friends
-Grace's birthday and going out to Indian food with her and Stine
-Pass the torch. It was sad as it was the first event that signified the end of the year, but I am so excited for next year's staff. Especially that crazy Gwen ;)
-Deciding to do SLS (Summer Leadership School) this summer. It was a whirlwind of a decision, I first considered it and committed to it within 2 weeks or so. But I am so excited to spend my summer at HoneyRock counseling little kids :)
-The lasts of everything. Last in night, last floor brunch, last bro-sis dinner, last staff meeting, last silent raids... though they all made me sad, I couldn't be more thankful for the memories made during these times.
-3South's silent raid for me. They decorated my room, gave me a piñata, made me brownies, and wrote me notes. I have the best floor. And yes, I cried.
-First Los run. It was Friday night (most people's last night if they weren't gone already) and it was packed with Wheaton people. But now I feel like I have lived a true Smith-Traber experience.
-Everything about the past couple days. It was so incredibly hard to say goodbye to my staff team, but we took advantage of our last days together.
And that's it. B quad Spring 2014. RA is over, and I'm just a bundle of emotions. Monday night was our closing staff meeting. Among other things, we went on a prayer walk around the building. We also did this at the beginning of the year. At the beginning of the year, when we got to an RA's door, we would stop and the RA would share his/her vision for the year. This time around, we shared how we had seen God's faithfulness throughout the year. There was such a difference in the atmosphere and energy between these two nights. Back in August, we toured the floors, not yet knowing our residents, or what the year had in store for us. We walked in a straight line, not really interacting with each other. We were excited, and the excitement could be felt in the air. This time around, the stairwell of Traber echoed with sniffles and sobs. Rather than a straight line, we sort of walked in bunches, rubbing each other's backs, giving hugs, leaning on each other, soaking up these last moments together. We cried (even harder, if possible) as we as we heard the testimonies of the two members of our staff leaving for good, both graduated, one from undergrad and the other from grad school. We laughed as we told jokes and remembered stories from the year. Simply, we were reminiscent of a challenging, but amazing year.
I had a love-hate relationship with the prayer walk. It was amazing to hear about the many ways my fellow staff team had seen God's faithfulness throughout the year. But yet, I was frustrated because in many ways, I didn't feel as if I saw God's faithfulness in the year. I knew that God had been there, and that in time, I would see how and where, but I didn't know what to say when we came to my door. I don't really remember what I said, but it was something about seeing God's faithfulness in unmet expectations, through girls on my floor and through my staff team, and through his consistent love despite my pride. All I said was true. I do believe that I have seen God's faithfulness in my staff team, in my girls, and in God's love for me. Just not ways I wanted. I was still holding onto those expectations that I thought I had let go of, hoping, somehow, they would be met before I left. Because I clearly know how I'm supposed to see God's faithfulness in my life (cue heavy sarcasm). After coming back to my room later that night, I was so frustrated with God and with myself. I asked God to help me see his faithfulness. Then I heard the rain pouring down outside. I excitedly ran outside as walking in the rain is one of my absolute favorite things. I slowly walked around Smaber, jumping in the puddles and soaking in the rain. I continued to pray, continued to ask God to help me see his faithfulness. And slowly, I felt all the bitterness that I had built up throughout the year melt away. Bitterness of unmet expectations, bitterness caused by pride. And I realized that God is faithful in whatever way he wants to be. That may sound obvious... it is, but I truly didn't realize that. I assumed that God would be faithful in the ways I wanted him to be faithful, that if I prayed hard enough, he would decide to do things "my way". But that was never the point. The point was to bring glory to God, and to lead my girls closer to him. Which is hard to do if I'm the focus. So God needed to humble me this year. He needed to show me that his plan is so much better than mine, even when I think that know myself and my surroundings better than he does (I totally don't. I'm pretty clueless.) He needed to show me that his love his consistent, and even when I don't (or even sometimes don't want to) believe that it is, it is. The fact that this year didn't go the way I planned, that my relationships with my girls and staff team weren't what I expected was so incredibly humbling. I clearly don't know what I'm doing. It's still a temptation for me to think that if the year had gone the way I wanted it to, it would've been more enjoyable, I would've been a better RA, I would have less regrets about this year. But that right there is proof that I needed to be humbled this year. And my version of the year would not have been humbling. Again, the point of this year was not for me to prove my worth as a human being, my capability as an RA, or to make a bunch of new friends. It was to glorify God in all that I did, to serve my girls and show them the love of God. I feel like I did a pretty lousy job of that at times, but it's a part of learning. My one hope for this year is that the girls of 3South may have experienced growth in their relationship with God, whether it was through something I did or not.
And with that, I will end my rambling. There will probably (definitely) be more posts reflecting on RA, but now it's time to catch my shuttle back home!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Life update
So now that I'm done with finals and officially on summer break (YAY!), I thought I would write a little update with what's been going on the past several weeks in my life seeing as I'm kind of horrible at keeping in touch with people. Also, I'm procrastinating on cleaning/packing up my room because that means that I have to accept the fact that RA is pretty much over. This will not be a post about RA, that will come later. I've been trying to work on a reflection, but get too sad every time I try... so that will probably come next week when I'm at the airport flying back home. Anyways. Here's a little update on what's going on.
1. I am done with my junior year, meaning that I am now a senior in college (assuming I don't fail all my classes. Which shouldn't happen. I hope.)
2. The next few days are full of checking people out of their rooms, way too many goodbyes, and packing up my own room.
3. Though everyone (with the exception of those who have permission to stay late) will be gone Friday, I will be here until Wednesday for end of the year RA duties and festivities.
4. Which means I will fly home Wednesday afternoon. As in exactly a week from now, I'll be getting into Bellingham.
5. I will be home until May 30th (so a little over 2 weeks) and then I fly back to Wheaton.
6. On May 31st, I will be driving up to HoneyRock, Wheaton's camp in the north woods of Wisconsin to be a camp counselor for the remainder of the summer.
7. Once SLS (the counseling program) is done, I'll be returning to Wheaton and staying there until the end of the semester. Which means that I won't be home again until December.
So this means that this will be my first summer away from home. I'll get to see my family for a few days in July for Ben's wedding, but it's in Denver so I won't be returning home. It feels a little weird to think that I'll go over 6 months away from home, but I'm excited. I'm excited to counsel little kids. I'm excited to see how I grow over the summer, especially being away from the familiarity of home. There's a lot of things I'm going to miss over this summer, but I'm trying to give these things up to God and allowing him to work through me as he wants this summer.
Anyways. I should probably start packing now. My room is kind of chaotic. Washington friends, please let me know if you're around and want to hang out while I'm home!
1. I am done with my junior year, meaning that I am now a senior in college (assuming I don't fail all my classes. Which shouldn't happen. I hope.)
2. The next few days are full of checking people out of their rooms, way too many goodbyes, and packing up my own room.
3. Though everyone (with the exception of those who have permission to stay late) will be gone Friday, I will be here until Wednesday for end of the year RA duties and festivities.
4. Which means I will fly home Wednesday afternoon. As in exactly a week from now, I'll be getting into Bellingham.
5. I will be home until May 30th (so a little over 2 weeks) and then I fly back to Wheaton.
6. On May 31st, I will be driving up to HoneyRock, Wheaton's camp in the north woods of Wisconsin to be a camp counselor for the remainder of the summer.
7. Once SLS (the counseling program) is done, I'll be returning to Wheaton and staying there until the end of the semester. Which means that I won't be home again until December.
So this means that this will be my first summer away from home. I'll get to see my family for a few days in July for Ben's wedding, but it's in Denver so I won't be returning home. It feels a little weird to think that I'll go over 6 months away from home, but I'm excited. I'm excited to counsel little kids. I'm excited to see how I grow over the summer, especially being away from the familiarity of home. There's a lot of things I'm going to miss over this summer, but I'm trying to give these things up to God and allowing him to work through me as he wants this summer.
Anyways. I should probably start packing now. My room is kind of chaotic. Washington friends, please let me know if you're around and want to hang out while I'm home!
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Reflection time!
Yet another blog post written while at the airport.
I laugh at the fact that 2 of my past 3 posts have been written at an
airport, but honestly, it kind of makes sense. It’s a really good way to kill
time but yet be productive and get a blog post done.
Seeing as it’s Spring Break and the end of A quad, I bet you
can predict what this blog post is going to be about… That’s right, a
reflection of the past 8 weeks since second semester began. Life goes by so
incredibly quickly, so I really enjoy and appreciate taking time to stop and
think about the quad and some highlights. So here we go:
- Very first morning back, Amy and I went to Eggletic for
breakfast since Saga was still closed
- Over night RA retreat
- Being reunited with 3South. Have I mentioned that I love
my floor? ;)
- Making the decision to switch to elementary education with
a Spanish concentration. This was a big decision and there were many factors
that pushed me to make this decision. But I’m excited about it. And this means
that I’m gonna be on campus next semester!
- Surprise birthday party thrown by Grace and Stine. I
honestly have the best friends ever. I never saw it coming. They’re sneaky ;)
- Watching the Seahawks/49ers championship game with Beth, a
freshmen on my floor who is a huge 49ers fan…and the Seahawks winning
- Surviving sub zero temperatures. Especially that fire alarm
on the -28˚ wind chill night.
- Erika’s (friend from high school) visit
- Local Natives concert with Erika
- Seahawks winning the Superbowl (even though it was a
horrible game to watch)
- Valentine’s Day date night with Gwen at Chick-fil-a
- Chick flick night with 3South on Valentine’s Day. Leap
Year and cookies and cream ice cream. Yes please.
- 3S/E Pinterest Party/movie night #topfloorbestfloor (even
if we did set off the fire alarm at 1:30 in the morning)
- Chick flick night with my fellow 3Southers that didn’t go
to Prez Ball (do you sense a theme of that weekend? Chick flicks for dayzz)
- Figuring out housing for next year. This is the first time
I’ve actually had to think about who to live with/where I want to live… And I
am blessed that it was not stressful at all and that I get to live with
3 of my favorite people.
- My last two loud raids. We raided with Avengers, T4 raided
with Twilight (which was actually really good and absolutely hilarious)
- Our short-lived rivalry with 2East. They stole the garden
gnome I had as decoration in my lounge towards the beginning of the semester. I
found out shortly after, but kept forgetting to steal it back… Plus it weighs
like 70 lbs so I didn’t really want to carry it back up to 3South… But we
eventually got a ransom note demanding peanut butter and nutella. Long story
short, we stole some of their stuff, they returned the gnome, we returned their
stuff. My girls were sad it ended so quickly.
- Air Jam. The Smaber RAs (aka Smabe City) performed Blow by
Ke$ha. We got 3rd, nbd. Despite my hate for dancing in public and
performing while sick with a nasty cold, I still enjoyed it.
And there you have it. Spring 2014 A quad. And now I’m off
to South Dakota for the week to visit my brother. And when I come back, I’ll
have my final quad as an RA. I could go into all my feelings about how fast
this year has gone and how I don’t want this year to end and how much I’m going
to miss ResLife… but I won’t right now. I’m excited for this break, I’m excited
to relax and hang with Ben for the last time before he’s married (what?!?!), I’m
excited for my last quad and to live it up. LET’S GOOOO!
Thursday, February 20, 2014
I'll Start Tomorrow
How many times have you committed to starting something new (whether it be working out, eating healthier, daily devos, or whatever new habit you want to form) only to make it to the end of the day without doing it? You typically comfort yourself by saying "Oh, I'll start tomorrow." If you're anything like me, this is a regular occurrence. I've done this at least a billion times throughout my life time, and at least 20 times this semester. This is something I've felt convicted about lately. Though I've always seen this in myself, it really hit me when reading a poem by Lope de Vega I'm doing a group presentation on for my Spanish literature class:
¿Qué tengo yo, que mi amistad procuras?
¿Qué interés se te sigue, Jesús mío,
que a mi puerta, cubierto de rocío,
pasas las noches del invierno oscuras?
¡Oh, cuánto fueron mis entrañas duras,
pues no te abrí! ¡Qué extraño desvarío,
si de mi ingratitud el hielo frío
secó las llagas de tus plantas puras!
¡Cuántas veces el ángel me decía:
«Alma, asómate ahora a la ventana,
verás con cuánto amor llamar porfía»!
¡Y cuántas, hermosura soberana,
«Mañana le abriremos», respondía,
para lo mismo responder mañana!
Sorry about the Spanish for you non-Spanish speakers. There's a English translation on this website if you scroll down a bit. But pretty much the poem describes the speaker's relationship with Christ. He asks at the beginning what he has that Christ would show interest in him, that Christ would come knocking on his door (allusion to Revelation 3:20). He acknowledges his hard heart and his ingratitude that kept him from opening the door. The last two lines is what really hit me though. A rough translation is "Tomorrow we will open [the door], only to say the same thing tomorrow". I don't know about you, but I'm guilty of this. I always tell myself "I'll start tomorrow", but say the same thing the next day, and the next, and the next (etc). Though this applies to a variety of things in my life, for the purpose of this blog post, I'm going to apply it to my spiritual life.
I've learned a lot this year as an RA. Look at any of my blog posts from the past 6 months and you'll see that. But I would say the #1 thing I've learned is the importance of spending time in the Word daily. It's necessary to recharge, to ground myself in Christ, and to prepare my heart for the day. However, just because I realize the importance does not mean that I do it. I come up with plenty of excuses not to, busyness and sleeping being the top two. When talking about this with my mentor, he pushed me to think about what is keeping me "too busy" to spend time with God. I can't really say that I'm too busy to spend time reading my Bible when I've spent a good amount of the past few weeks watching Netflix... not to mention 3 different chick flick nights with my girls throughout the course of last weekend. Busyness with homework is another go to excuse for me. I'm a student, so I have to do my homework, right? Right... but God needs to be the top priority in my life. And going back to what I said before, I can't say that I'm too busy and don't have enough time for homework and devotions when Netflix is a huge use of my time. So this is something I'm trying to work on. I will not be too busy to spend time reading my Bible and in prayer, I'm going to make it a priority. I will stop saying "I'll start tomorrow" and start saying "I'll do it right now." And I encourage you to do the same. It doesn't have to be regarding daily devotions, but with any habit you want to start. Go and do it now. Except for it's starting to get late, so it actually might be best to just go to bed and say that you'll start tomorrow ;)
I've learned a lot this year as an RA. Look at any of my blog posts from the past 6 months and you'll see that. But I would say the #1 thing I've learned is the importance of spending time in the Word daily. It's necessary to recharge, to ground myself in Christ, and to prepare my heart for the day. However, just because I realize the importance does not mean that I do it. I come up with plenty of excuses not to, busyness and sleeping being the top two. When talking about this with my mentor, he pushed me to think about what is keeping me "too busy" to spend time with God. I can't really say that I'm too busy to spend time reading my Bible when I've spent a good amount of the past few weeks watching Netflix... not to mention 3 different chick flick nights with my girls throughout the course of last weekend. Busyness with homework is another go to excuse for me. I'm a student, so I have to do my homework, right? Right... but God needs to be the top priority in my life. And going back to what I said before, I can't say that I'm too busy and don't have enough time for homework and devotions when Netflix is a huge use of my time. So this is something I'm trying to work on. I will not be too busy to spend time reading my Bible and in prayer, I'm going to make it a priority. I will stop saying "I'll start tomorrow" and start saying "I'll do it right now." And I encourage you to do the same. It doesn't have to be regarding daily devotions, but with any habit you want to start. Go and do it now. Except for it's starting to get late, so it actually might be best to just go to bed and say that you'll start tomorrow ;)
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Change
"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad." -C.S. Lewis
Some of you may call me a typical Wheatie for opening a blog post with a C.S. Lewis quotation. I think that I've failed as Wheatie seeing as I haven't included a Lewis quotation yet in this blog. But I digress. This blog post isn't about how much Wheaton students love C.S. Lewis. It's about change, and how even though it's difficult and I don't like it in the slightest, it's necessary.
This Christmas break marked a huge change for my family: my oldest brother got married, and the other got engaged. I finally got a sister, and I'll get another one in just 6 months. We had our first Christmas a part from each other, though we were reunited in Narita airport on the 26th (and it was still technically Christmas for 10 more minutes in Washington). Last year, we had no idea that would be our last Christmas with just the five of us, or that it would be our last Christmas together until who knows when. This Christmas break, I didn't come home to a house decorated for Christmas, I didn't go chop down a Christmas tree and decorate it with my brother, I didn't watch It's A Wonderful Life with my family on Christmas Eve, I didn't wake up early Christmas morning to open presents (although I did wake up early to drive down to the airport). I didn't have my brothers home for break, I didn't even do many of my typical Christmas break activities (I didn't get on a horse until last night, my last night at home, and it was only for about 5 minutes, just walking around.) If you know me, you know that near the top of my list of my least favorite things is change. I was dreading this break as it was going to be quite different than any of my other Christmas breaks home, and if I'm being honest, I was being a bit of a selfish baby about it. But, as Lewis so eloquently states, change is hard. But, it's even harder to grow and become an adult without change. In fact, it's impossible, just as an egg cannot learn to fly. This week, I turned 21, a important milestone in American culture, and an age many view as the gate to adulthood. I don't really feel more like an adult than I did last week. I didn't feel any more like an adult when I turned 18 and I was legally considered an adult, nor did I feel more like an adult when I turned 20 and left my teenage years behind. Age doesn't make me an adult, but experiences do. And experiences come with change. Am I really an adult if I don't experience my family changing? Can I really consider myself an adult if every single Christmas, my brothers and I fly home, and do our typical traditions, just as we did when we were kids? Can I really consider myself an adult if I come home and do the same thing every single break? There needs to be change in order for me to grow. I can't just stay the same. As Lewis says, we must either hatch [grow] or go bad, I cannot be an egg forever. I have to become a bird someday. And so this break was not only a huge change for my family, but also the start of me embracing change and starting to hatch from my egg. That's why I chopped off my hair after 2 1/2 years and finally got new glasses after 4 years ;)
Some of you may call me a typical Wheatie for opening a blog post with a C.S. Lewis quotation. I think that I've failed as Wheatie seeing as I haven't included a Lewis quotation yet in this blog. But I digress. This blog post isn't about how much Wheaton students love C.S. Lewis. It's about change, and how even though it's difficult and I don't like it in the slightest, it's necessary.
This Christmas break marked a huge change for my family: my oldest brother got married, and the other got engaged. I finally got a sister, and I'll get another one in just 6 months. We had our first Christmas a part from each other, though we were reunited in Narita airport on the 26th (and it was still technically Christmas for 10 more minutes in Washington). Last year, we had no idea that would be our last Christmas with just the five of us, or that it would be our last Christmas together until who knows when. This Christmas break, I didn't come home to a house decorated for Christmas, I didn't go chop down a Christmas tree and decorate it with my brother, I didn't watch It's A Wonderful Life with my family on Christmas Eve, I didn't wake up early Christmas morning to open presents (although I did wake up early to drive down to the airport). I didn't have my brothers home for break, I didn't even do many of my typical Christmas break activities (I didn't get on a horse until last night, my last night at home, and it was only for about 5 minutes, just walking around.) If you know me, you know that near the top of my list of my least favorite things is change. I was dreading this break as it was going to be quite different than any of my other Christmas breaks home, and if I'm being honest, I was being a bit of a selfish baby about it. But, as Lewis so eloquently states, change is hard. But, it's even harder to grow and become an adult without change. In fact, it's impossible, just as an egg cannot learn to fly. This week, I turned 21, a important milestone in American culture, and an age many view as the gate to adulthood. I don't really feel more like an adult than I did last week. I didn't feel any more like an adult when I turned 18 and I was legally considered an adult, nor did I feel more like an adult when I turned 20 and left my teenage years behind. Age doesn't make me an adult, but experiences do. And experiences come with change. Am I really an adult if I don't experience my family changing? Can I really consider myself an adult if every single Christmas, my brothers and I fly home, and do our typical traditions, just as we did when we were kids? Can I really consider myself an adult if I come home and do the same thing every single break? There needs to be change in order for me to grow. I can't just stay the same. As Lewis says, we must either hatch [grow] or go bad, I cannot be an egg forever. I have to become a bird someday. And so this break was not only a huge change for my family, but also the start of me embracing change and starting to hatch from my egg. That's why I chopped off my hair after 2 1/2 years and finally got new glasses after 4 years ;)
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