It's amazing how quickly 14 dear children can worm their way into my heart. It's incredible how when I stepped into my classroom for the first time, I found a piece of me I didn't know was missing.
And that's what I'm focusing on: how much I love these students of mine, how teaching is engrained into my very being, no matter how difficult it is to jump into a classroom 3/4 through the school year, with student teaching my only experience to rely on.
I know I can be a good teacher.
That's what gets me through helping 14 children transition from one teacher they knew and loved to a new teacher that suddenly came into their lives one day, a teacher they aren't sure about.
I know I've grown.
Three years ago, I wasn't so sure anymore if I wanted to be a teacher after a lifetime of being certain.
(And now I can't imagine doing anything else.)
Two years ago, I had recently decided to switch to elementary education, and was preparing for a summer of counseling kids to see if I really did like kids.
(And now I wonder how I ever could've doubted that.)
A year ago, I had just returned to the classroom full time for the remainder of my method's practicum. I was exhausted, teaching two subjects a day, filming for edTPA, and helping a sub run the classroom as my cooperating teacher was gone for her wedding.
(And now I laugh at the thought of being exhausted teaching two hours out of the day.)
6 months ago, I was the midst of full time teaching, rejoicing the fact I had survived 11 days without my cooperating teacher. I felt as if I had "mastered" classroom management, having been able to reign my kids back in after a difficult start to the year.
(And now I know that though I've improved, I will always have more to learn.)
I know I have a community of support surrounding me.
An amazing team teacher who has helped me every step of the way.
Encouraging co-workers that remind me that things do get better and easier.
A roommate who is one step ahead of me and points out that everything I'm telling her is "iconic first time teaching stuff" and that I'm not alone.
Professors and supervisors that rejoice with me and give sage advice.
And most importantly, a God who is greater than my greatest moments, and is there for me in my lowest lows.
Even as I sit here at my kitchen table, using my Saturday morning to email parents and look over writing assignments from the week, I can't help but smile. I'm exhausted, I have a million and one things running through my mind, I have a foot long "to do" list, I'm brainstorming ways to better my teaching and management, I'm planning in my head lessons for next week, I'm thinking about accommodations for students I'm not serving as well as I should be, but I love what I do. I can't imagine anything more life giving or rewarding I could be doing with my life right now. I've used this quote so many times in papers and reflections, but it perfectly fits how I'm feeling right now: "The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." Frederick Buechner
Teaching is so incredibly difficult. I didn't choose an easy path-but it's worth it.
