Change

"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad." -C.S. Lewis 

Some of you may call me a typical Wheatie for opening a blog post with a C.S. Lewis quotation. I think that I've failed as Wheatie seeing as I haven't included a Lewis quotation yet in this blog. But I digress. This blog post isn't about how much Wheaton students love C.S. Lewis. It's about change, and how even though it's difficult and I don't like it in the slightest, it's necessary.

This Christmas break marked a huge change for my family: my oldest brother got married, and the other got engaged. I finally got a sister, and I'll get another one in just 6 months. We had our first Christmas a part from each other, though we were reunited in Narita airport on the 26th (and it was still technically Christmas for 10 more minutes in Washington). Last year, we had no idea that would be our last Christmas with just the five of us, or that it would be our last Christmas together until who knows when. This Christmas break, I didn't come home to a house decorated for Christmas, I didn't go chop down a Christmas tree and decorate it with my brother, I didn't watch It's A Wonderful Life with my family on Christmas Eve, I didn't wake up early Christmas morning to open presents (although I did wake up early to drive down to the airport). I didn't have my brothers home for break, I didn't even do many of my typical Christmas break activities (I didn't get on a horse until last night, my last night at home, and it was only for about 5 minutes, just walking around.) If you know me, you know that near the top of my list of my least favorite things is change. I was dreading this break as it was going to be quite different than any of my other Christmas breaks home, and if I'm being honest, I was being a bit of a selfish baby about it. But, as Lewis so eloquently states, change is hard. But, it's even harder to grow and become an adult without change. In fact, it's impossible, just as an egg cannot learn to fly. This week, I turned 21, a important milestone in American culture, and an age many view as the gate to adulthood. I don't really feel more like an adult than I did last week. I didn't feel any more like an adult when I turned 18 and I was legally considered an adult, nor did I feel more like an adult when I turned 20 and left my teenage years behind. Age doesn't make me an adult, but experiences do. And experiences come with change. Am I really an adult if I don't experience my family changing? Can I really consider myself an adult if every single Christmas, my brothers and I fly home, and do our typical traditions, just as we did when we were kids? Can I really consider myself an adult if I come home and do the same thing every single break? There needs to be change in order for me to grow. I can't just stay the same. As Lewis says, we must either hatch [grow] or go bad, I cannot be an egg forever. I have to become a bird someday. And so this break was not only a huge change for my family, but also the start of me embracing change and starting to hatch from my egg. That's why I chopped off my hair after 2 1/2 years and finally got new glasses after 4 years ;)