I'm in the homestretch of summer. I'm once again an only child, my brothers left on Monday. This week is full of some last minute money making by babysitting, spending time with friends before saying goodbye for another semester, and packing up my life once again to roadtrip back to Wheaton with my parents. This time next week I'll be... probably somewhere in South Dakota. In a week and a half, I'll be back in Wheaton and start my job as an RA... Wow.
I am so incredibly excited to be an RA. I've wanted to be one since my brother was one four years ago. It fits my personality almost perfectly. Naturally, I've been a bit nervous about being an RA, but it seemed so far away, so I wasn't too worried about it. Now with returning back to campus to start training in sight, and freshmen moving in in less than a month, it's feeling extremely real. A little too real. As summer has been coming to a close, stress, nervousness, and worries have made their entrance back into my life. Thoughts like "what if I don't have enough decorations? What if my decorations don't work out the way I want them to? What if I forget something? What if all the other RAs have really awesome ideas and mine just seem lame in comparison? What if my girls hate the decorations... what if my girls hate ME? What if I'm a horrible RA? I just want to be what my RAs have been to me for my girls... but I'll never be as good of RA as they were. What if I ruin someone's Wheaton experience? What if I ruin someone's LIFE?" Okay. I realize that I'm getting a little carried away. But remember? This is hyperbolea here. I'm a worrier (thanks, mom), and worries tend to build upon each other and escalate quickly. And I realize that things will turn out okay. Maybe not how I'm expecting them, but they will turn out how God wants them to be, and I'll learn and grow throughout the year. I realize that it's very possible not all my girls will like me, and it's impossible that I'll be best friends with all of them. But still. These things worry me. Along with a whole host of others things that I won't get into here.
But there is hope. There is encouragement. This summer, my pastor started going through Nehemiah in his morning sermons. This past Sunday was chapter 4:10-15. His first point hit close to home: Don't Get Discouraged When the Job is Too Big. RA is a big job. I have a lot to do before I leave, and I'll have a lot to do throughout the course of the year. But I can't get discouraged. I won't go into the whole details of this point and how it was exactly what I needed to hear, because I could go on about it forever. Ask me about it if you're curious. But another awesome thing was how well it connected to two other things that had been on my mind as well. First, the passage that I'm memorizing for RA this summer, I Peter 4:7-11, especially verses 10 and 11. "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ." My pastor had talked about how though we have a huge job of living his Word and spreading it, he has given us gifts to use, and puts us in places where we can use the gifts, making the job easier. I have a servant's heart. I have a listening ear. Though I am not perfect, and I have a lot to learn and grow in, I have the ability to be a good RA. The second thing the sermon reminded me of was a sermon I heard at my church in Wheaton this past semester. (I should also give credit to one of my best friends for reminding me of the sermon when I was freaking out this past weekend and talked to her about it all.) Anyways, in this sermon, there were three main points:
1. The call is colossal 2. Our credentials are inconsequential 3. Christ is close, using Moses, Gideon, and Jeremiah as examples. God calls us to a huge job. We are not qualified or capable of doing it. But Jesus is with us, and with his help, we can do it.
So. Am I still nervous? Yes. Am I still worry about ridiculous things? A little bit. But do I feel more confident after being reminded of these things? Absolutely.
Okay. Time to go look at my room and stress out about how messy it is and how I'll never get it cleaned up and packed before Monday.
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