Excuses, excuses

Often times, my mom asks me to do various chores around the house. Which is fair, seeing as I am living here, and my parents aren't charging me rent or anything, so I should do my share of the work load. But often times, I don't do all the things they ask me to do, whether it's clean the barn, weed the garden, clean the kitchen, or whatever. When my parents get home, they ask me if I finished the things they had asked me to do during the course of the day. And often times, I haven't. And instead of apologizing and admitting that I hadn't done what they asked, I start streaming off excuses. "I would've, but I had to work today, and I was really tired when I got home" "I had a headache, so I just slept all day" "You told me to do it when I was still half asleep, so I had forgotten by the time I woke up" "I was busy with other stuff". The list goes on and on. One of these instances happened last week. When I realized I hadn't done what my mom asked me to, I started listing off my excuses. My brother took one look at me and said, "You are so full of excuses." That made me think. I really do make excuses a lot. I guess I knew that about myself, but hadn't really thought about it. Or really thought about why I make so many excuses. I guess it comes down to another characteristic that I've always known about myself-my defensiveness. You could ask any of my friends or family-as soon as they make some sort of jab at me, playful or serious, my guard goes up, I have to defend myself. And usually that happens through excuses. Reasons that I am the way that I am. Trying to cover up any responsibility I have for my short comings. And I've realized that's pretty immature of me to do. In a way, when I work to cover up my mistakes, I'm denying grace. Grace from God, from friends, from family. These people love me, and they will show me grace. So why do I feel the need to appear perfect, to have a reason for anything I do wrong? I am sinful, messed up person, just like everyone else, so why? Insecurity and pride are the two reasons that come to mind. I've always been insecure, and so I use excuses to pass the blame away from me. I'm also extremely prideful, not wanting to let people see my faults. So this is something I want to work on for the rest of the summer and into the school year as well. When I mess up, I want to admit that I messed up. When a friend playfully jabs at one of my faults, I want to acknowledge that maybe they're right, and I should work to improve instead covering up. But most importantly, I want to remember that it's okay to acknowledge my mistakes, and to humbly accept grace instead of pridefully passing off the blame.