Tales of a 4th Grade Teacher

Have you ever heard of/read Judy Blume's book Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing? We read it at the beginning of the year in our daily 4th grade read aloud. Hence the title of this post and my hashtag for posts about student teaching. Laugh at the cleverness of it. Please. Humor like this goes unappreciated by 9 year olds, so lately I've been feeling absolutely un-clever and not funny at all.

It's hard to believe, but I am more than halfway done with student teaching-last week was the halfway point. And today marks the end of (I'm really, really, really, really hoping) my hardest 3 weeks of student teaching. It's felt like a never ending reality check. Something will happen that makes me think, "Woah. I have not been working hard enough. I need to kick it into gear, or else my students are going to suffer the consequences." I try to fix what I was doing wrong, I feel good about it for like a day (if I'm lucky), and then something else will happen, and the cycle repeats itself. I will forever think of these past 3 weeks as the "weeks of daily cries". (My mom and roommate from last year *may* have received a few phone calls from me that consisted of mostly crying throughout the past 3 weeks). First it was classroom management. Then it was unsatisfactory planning. Then it was classroom management (again) (and again). Then it was disorganization. Then it was exhaustion and literally not being able to hold onto my train of thought for more than 3 minutes.

The past 2 weeks have been a whole other realm of difficult (and amazingly growth filled) as my cooperating teacher was gone (and still will be until next Wednesday). I've had an amazing sub with me who has years of teaching and subbing experience, but I was still the lead teacher for the past 2 weeks, and the sub was out of the room for majority of this week, leaving me completely in charge. Even though my teacher's absence lined up nicely with the timing for me to go full time, there has been so many other responsibilities I've had to pick up that I was not expecting. When people (myself included) think of teaching, they often think of planning lessons, teaching those lessons, and grading. It is so so much more. I have be organized, I have to make sure I give enough assessments to fairly know if a student understands a concept or not, I have to be in contact with parents, I have to handle serious student misbehavior, I have to attend meetings, I have to be an advocate for my students in those meetings, I have to collaborate with the other teachers, I have to write weekly newsletters to the parents, I have to prepare Friday Folders to send home... all on top of a couple hours of planning and prep every night. The list goes on and on. I averaged probably 10 hours a day at school these past 2 weeks, with the record being 13. The most sobering part of that day, was driving home, and realizing that I would be back at school in less hours than the amount I had spent at school that day.
Don't get me wrong. I love this. It is so extremely hard, and it makes me doubt whether I am really meant to be a teacher or not, it makes me cry out of frustration and feeling overwhelmed, but I still love it. Though my kids sometimes frustrate me to tears, I still love them and they make it so incredibly worth it.

The past three weeks, I've experienced disrespect (to me and to other students), tears (my own and students'... some out of joy, some out of frustration), hard conversations, great conversations, a kid hiding under a desk in fetal position, fights on the playground, fights in the classroom, a lesson interrupted by a student walking up to me as I was teaching to ask me a question (yes. I'm serious. I was doing whole class lesson, and was in the middle of it-he gets up out of his seat, and asks me what he should with an assignment I had collected a half hour before. As I was in the middle of teaching a lesson to the whole class. I cannot understand what was going on in his head.)
But I have learned so much from these kids and because of these kids. I am a better teacher and a better person because of these past 3 weeks, and I will continue to grow in my last 5 of student teaching. I will forever remember these students as my first students. I'll remember the student that tells me the most random and interesting facts (I've lost track of the amount of times I've heard "Miss Gibson. Did you know....?), the student who gives me fashion advice, the student who keeps me up to date with the latest 4th grade drama, the student who gives me at least 2 hugs a day, the student who thanked me for helping her finally understand subtraction, the student who has the most amazing scientific knowledge for a 4th grader (there's things he knows that I don't remember ever learning). Though it's been the most difficult 7 weeks of my life thus far, I cherish this time, and I am so glad for these crazy tales of a 4th grade teacher.