"Strengthen Your Feeble Arms and Weak Knees"

Oh boy. I have not blogged in a very very long time-not since the beginning of the semester.
I survived second semester of senior year. It was a crazy one. One that deserves it's own blog post at some point, especially as I process through the craziness that was the elementary methods block as I prepare for student teaching in the fall. Pretty much, to summarize it in a sentence, this past semester was the most difficult, yet growth filled semester of my life. I had an amazing time in the classroom, and I already get along great with my cooperating teacher.

Anyways, that is not what I want to write about in this post. I want to talk about the past 3 weeks.
3 weeks ago, I was still in Wheaton. I walked across Edman stage. I said goodbye to my fellow seniors, and finished packing up the apartment. 2 1/2 weeks ago, I drove up to HoneyRock and have been in the throws of summer preparation since then.

This summer, I am working at HoneyRock as the residential camp unit leader admin. Pretty much, I help run res camp which is the program I counseled for last summer. Rather than working directly with the counselors like other the unit leaders, my role is more administrative, and is kind of a do-whatever-is-necessary kind of job.
Last week, the res camp ULs (unit leaders) went on our 2 night wilderness training trip. On the morning of the last day before leaving our campsite to come back to camp, I twisted my knee, causing the knee cap to dislocate. This is what I want this post to be about. I want it to be about how in the last week and a half, I have been humbled and experienced servant leadership. Immediately, my team helped carry me to a canoe so they could canoe me to the campsite across the channel where a van was waiting to take me to hospital. My awesome roommate has been chauffeuring me around camp in a golf cart, even when it's inconvenient for her. I've had to ask for help carrying things, walking around, sitting down, standing up... down to the nitty gritty details of having to sit at a particular spot at the table for meals since I can't bend my knee. I am very independent person, and I hate asking for help, so this past week and half has been a shot to my pride, but a very necessary shot.
But I also have been amazed by how quick the people around me have been to serve and help. The service I have experienced from my friends at camp has given me a better picture of what servant leadership is.

Though I do admit I have learned a lot from this whole ordeal, I won't deny it's been extremely difficult. I try to have a good attitude, but honestly, sometimes it's really hard. Camp is not exactly a convenient place for a knee injury to heal. I have to be driven around in a golf cart when going to different parts of camp. It's difficult for me to get into town because I can't drive myself because my knee still can't bend, and it's inconvenient for others to drive me because I have to have my leg stretched out across the whole car seat row. I couldn't go canoeing into town to get ice cream with the rest of the SLS people (though I did get a ride into town, so I still got ice cream :)). I had to miss the wedding of a family friend that I had been planning to drive to over Memorial Day weekend. During this past week, I kept a positive demeanor on the outside, but on the inside I was bitter and frustrated with God.
This last Thursday, so exactly a week after the accident, the unit leaders had an 8 hour solo. I found a spot to hammock, and sat in my hammock all day. I've been reading Hebrews the past month or so, and finished it up in the midst of my solo. I spent much of the morning in Hebrews 12. In this chapter, the author talks about hardship:
"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. 
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." 
Even if the first line hadn't grabbed my attention, the last verse definitely did. "Strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees." It was one of those moments when everything clicked, when I realized what God had been trying to teach me all along, I just needed a little nudging to get to the point. This is hardship. God is disciplining me, helping me see my weak areas and pushing me to grow.
Tangent time: I hate the word discipline. I hate that it has become a negatively charged word. I feel like people forget there is more than one meaning of the word; they automatically think of discipline as punishment, as a result of wrongdoing. It also means training, or the way I like to phrase it, "the practice of". I haven't done any exegesis on this passage, so I'm not sure which meaning the original Greek used, but I'm guessing that it's the latter. Hardship is to be viewed as training. Training to be more like Jesus. And that's exactly what God is doing through this time of healing for me. My pride had to be taken down a notch, I have to have servanthood modeled for me, and my patience is definitely being tested throughout all this. But this is all to help me grow more into Christ likeness.

I could go one about this for much much longer, but this post is already much too long. Chances are I will blog about the healing process many times throughout the summer.